Unconditional Love

Last Sunday, I went to the Parish of the Holy Sacrifice inside the University of the Philippines to attend mass. I love going there because it's one of the churches that draws you to come and stay.

The priest began talking about the many ways to assure your passage into heaven and he says that God gave one fool proof ticket...be like a child.

Children are, in heart and mind and soul, the closest to God because their innocence allows them to love everyone and everything the way that God himself does....unconditionally. But these days, is it still even remotely possible to do that? With all the damaging social stimuli bombarding us daily, are we still capable of getting in touch with our inner child?

Loving unconditionally goes against many of the social standards that we place a premium on. It is also very difficult to do because in loving unconditionally, we do not give our love in trickles, we give ALL of it, all of ourselves. Nowadays, people tend to measure the amount of love they give out and more often than not, the more they give, the more they expect in return. So how do children do it? How do they surrender their whole heart to love and easily give it back?

Maybe the key is selflessness. Loving and caring for others before yourself. I know, that's hard to do because looking after your own interest becomes second nature to us in this dog eat dog society. But remember, when we fall deeply in love, and we think deep inside that the person deserves all our love, don't we effortlessly give it regardless of the repercussions? Don't we just go all the way for that person even though some people say we shouldn't because of love?

That means we CAN love unconditionally. I believe that when Jesus died on the cross for us, he gave us that gift. The ability to love unconditionally.

I remember asking a loved one before why she does all these things for me and she said, "Because my happiness comes from seeing you smile, hearing you laugh, and feeling your happiness." The feeling I got from hearing that is how good it is to be on the receiving end of unconditional love. A love that only the child in us can give.

Let's all dig through the mess inside and find that child in us, with His help.

Contentment

Yesterday night, I met up with a good friend who has a small retail business here in the city. Since it's been a while since we last saw each other, there were so many stories to tell and we didn't waste time in finding a place where we could hang.

He began telling me how his business was losing money and that his usual customers were no longer buying as much as they used to. His earnings were now cut to almost a third of what he used to get from just a year ago. But the thing is, I never saw an ounce of concern or worry in his eyes while he was telling me about it. So I asked him why.

He said, "Bro, it's just a matter of perspective.". I couldn't understand what he was trying to say at first. I was curious to find out because I knew that that shop was his only source of income. That was the time he took his mobile phone from his pocket and showed me some pictures.

Pictures of him clowning around with his two kids, photos of him in a tight bear hug with his wife, and a particularly touching photo of him kissing his wife which his kids took. Then he goes, "Bro, that's the reason why I'm not losing hope. I know the whatever happens, He will provide. I'm content with that.".

Wow. Here's a man with an entire family counting on him for survival and yet he has so much faith that the Lord will provide. He also told me that because of his business, he's right there to see his kids grow, to go out on regular dates with his wife, and to have family dinner dates where they eat, drink and have fun together. He feels blessed that he's able to provide and at the same time fulfill his obligations as a husband and a father. Then I understood.

Contentment is never measured by the things you have outside, it's all about what you feel inside. Here we are fussing endlessly about stuff like work complaints, failed relationships, lack of money and all the other superficial things around us when in the grand scheme of things, none of these actually matter.

Family, friends, health, your relationship with God...these things are the essentials in life. In my opinion, this is where we should direct our energies to. Nurture and cherish our family and friends, try to stay healthy and let God take over the reigns. And the next time things look bleak and life seems like it's going on a downward spiral, let's pause and look around. It may not be as bad as we think.

It all depends on how we choose to see it.

Goodbye

I was never good at goodbyes. I don't think anyone is.

Saying goodbye to someone or something will always leave you with a tinge of emptiness, a longing for that which was a part of your life in one way or another. This past month was filled with that and it all came at blinding speeds. A few days ago, my production team surprised me during my final shoot as a host of my show. The longing I mentioned came so dramatically, to the point that looking at each and every one of them made me realize how blessed I was to have worked with genuinely talented and true people. I could not contain my tears.

Life has been a roller coaster this past month and I have had to say goodbye to a loved one, to a select few I once considered family, to all of the jobs I previously had, and to the lifestyle that I've gotten so used to. Absolutely EVERYTHING from the life I had changed in the blink of an eye but in spite of this, blessings also came in all shapes and sizes. Right at this moment, I'm standing on the diving board, looking down at a pool of new experiences, new colleagues, new career opportunities and a list of other things just waiting for me to jump in. So I did.

I said goodbye to that part of my life, to that part of me and am now looking head on at this new chapter in my unfinished book. But saying goodbye does not mean forgetting all those who touched my life. You all know who you are and I am truly blessed to have you.

As they say, parting is such sweet sorrow. But holding the beautiful memories close to your heart will always dull the pain of physical separation. So I am holding on to all of that and feeding my soul as it trudges down a new road. Our paths will cross again someday, I know it, but until then, goodbye and thank you. You are all loved and will always be loved.

- To my A Round Of Golf family: Thank you for the happiness, the tough times, the confusion, the laughter, the sessions, the crying, the long talks, the quiet moments, the road trips, the VO's, the private jokes and the not so private ones, the trust, the squabbling, and especially for bearing with me through these tough times. You are truly and will always be my family. Keep your head down and your eyes on the ball guys!!

Touch

Humans are dominant over other species on this planet because of many things, but the biggest reason is probably that fact that we can communicate through language to directly convey our messages. Our ability to emit audible sound which our brains can process into understandable thought alone allows us to literally dominate the natural world unlike any other species on this planet.

But for me, there is one other thing that we can utilize to convey messages that are so deep, no spoken word or phrase can match it...the touch.

A simple grasp of your loved one's hand, a touch on the cheek, a gentle caress, or even the involuntary placing of a loved one's hand over yours, all convey a plethora of different messages and emotions. And nothing is more powerful.

A single touch from the one you love can bring joy, security, relaxation, warmth, and an overwhelming sense of peace that slowly fills your entire being. I once had an experience where I was wide awake and just couldn't sleep even though it was already late in the night. My loved one told me to lay my head down on the pillow and all she did was gently and slowly stroke my forehead with her thumb. I didn't even realize that I fell asleep until I woke up the next day feeling like I slept for days. That's the peace that only a genuine loving touch can give.

So, if you happen to read this, go to that person you love now, hold both his or her hands for a few seconds, look him or her in the eye, and give him or her a really big, long and gentle hug and a kiss on the forehead. No need to utter a single syllable because nothing else says "I LOVE YOU" better than that.

Change

My sister told me that whatever you do to make your life go the way you want it, there will always be something that will come along to mess it all up. I guess that's what we all have to live with as long as we're here...change.

There are only so many things you can do to prepare yourself for things to come. Most of which are preparations that deal with financial and emotional concerns. But you know, come to think of it, how can we prepare for everything when our understanding of the world and our lives are limited to only what our minds can comprehend? I guess the answer is simple. We can't.

It goes the same way in relationships the way I see it. You love the only way you know how, thinking that it's going to be enough. But it never is. Change takes place in you, in your partner, and in the world that your relationship exists in. Again, there is no way of stopping the forces of change.

So what is there left to do? Do we just grovel in a corner and let change take away all the permanence we so deeply long for? Is there no reason to hold on to anything in this life?

The answer lies in what we use to "see" things, our mind or our heart. When our heart is open and allows love and contentment to blossom, no matter what happens around us, we'll feel complete. Losing a partner, a friend, a loved one, or a job does not mean that the love and concern you extended for each them disappears along with it. That's what stays behind. That is what change can never ever reach.

Thinking too much and seeing with our minds normally leads to more confusion because we tend to over- rationalize things, without really remembering that it's an exercise in futility. There is no way you can fully justify all the events in life. Just embrace everything that's going on, ride it through and keep on remembering that as long as you have love to give, life will find a way for you to use it. It may not come when you want it and how you want it but that's change...unpredictable.

Life still is beautiful. And I can't wait for the next roll of the dice.

Home

I knew that once I entered that old gate, I would feel this way. For some reason, every time I step into the grounds of our ancestral home, I automatically let out a deep sigh of....something.

Relief, a sense of belonging, a slight spiritual rebirth...I guess it's all of that. Sitting in the confines of this house reminds me of a simpler, more innocent time spent building tree houses, taking the boat out across the pond to fish, or simply just climbing the huge mango tree, book in hand, and just reading the day away.

I still remember all of that. And being here again, seeing the old pictures on the wall, smelling the familiar scent of my youth all over the place, and roaming through the rooms, really has re-energized me.

Home does that to you. Home is a place where your spirit was fostered, and no other place on this planet can replace that.

The flood of memories affirmed one more thing...that I am going to be fine. Surrounded by all these reminded me of what is essential in life, and more often than not, it's these simple things that I've taken for granted.

I know it's time to cut the clutter off and return to who I was when I was here, a simple person with a contented heart. It is possible for anyone to come back home.

Happiness?

What is happiness exactly?

Is it something as complex as electrical impulses from the brain or chemical reactions in the body telling you to feel good? Or is there a deeper sense of happiness?

Bar none, today was a happy day for me. Well, at least compared to the way the past few weeks have been. This day was filled with small things that made me feel genuinely happy.

I talked to and spent time with someone really special who made me understand why things are the way they are, I took one gigantic step forward in my new career path, I saw old friends, made new ones, and saw my only sister do a perfect news report on television for the first time. All in one day. And for the first time in weeks, my heart was the one smiling.

I guess that's what happiness is. Small things that touch you in a very profound manner when you least expect it. Maybe, God uses these small trinkets of joy to remind you that even when you think that layer of sadness is impenetrable, there are other things and people out there who can still break right through it.

So I guess what we should remember is, anyone can be happy. He just has to allow it to happen and let God do the rest.

Here's what my friend sent me a while ago which I think perfectly explains it.

"Yes indeed, it won't be long now. God's decree - things are going to happen so fast, your head will swim. One thing fast on the heels of the other. You won't be able to keep up. Everything will be happening at once, and everywhere you look, blessings!! Blessings like wine pouring off the mountains and hills." - Amos 9:13

Time for me to start looking around.

Easter Sunday And Me

Easter Sunday mass has always been pretty much the same every year. Honestly , I never expected this years' service to be any different. The priest began talking about the relevance of Easter as a symbol of Jesus' eternal love for us. Then he began to sing Nat King Cole's "When I Fall In Love" and I said to myself, what in the world is he trying to pull? Belting out a love song on Easter Sunday?

Turns out that the song pretty much explained the real meaning of Easter. As the song goes, "When I fall in love, it will be forever. Or I'll never fall in love." True love, as the priest explained, is forever and the concept of "forever" and "eternity" can only be fully grasped by those who have loved. Jesus loved us so much that not even death could stop him from coming back and showing us how much he really did. The priest then called on the couples in the church, both married and not to listen as he explained the concept of eternal love.

Love, in it's real form, goes beyond the physical. If you've loved someone, even though that person is no longer around for you to touch and feel, the love you have will always be there to keep that person with you. He then challenged everyone to love like Jesus. To love regardless of expectations, to love regardless of boundaries, to love unconditionally.

So here I am once again, faced with a reality that Jesus himself says I could accept. I have loved, and I know that it was and still is genuine. I loved the only way I knew how. So, if previously I wanted to erase every memory of that love, maybe I should pause and hold on to the good parts. The parts that gave both of us the happiest of times.

So Jesus, this one's for you. I loved, I lost, but in the end, as much as I'd like to deny it, the love I have for her is still here in my heart. So, I'm holding on to the memories of that love. Genuine and unfaltering. Just like the love you showed by dying on the cross. You showed us how to love that way, so I guess you know that I have what it takes to keep it.

Now that Easter Sunday is just a day away, I've come to reflect on the relevance of the holy week and why Catholic Filipinos like me, even in foreign countries, observe it.

When I was a kid, the real meaning of the holy week was masked by it's magical and sometimes theatrical appeal. I grew up in Malabon City, a coastal town north of Metro Manila where the people are friendly, laid back and mostly religious. We were never short of activities every year like the "Salubong" ( a reenactment of Christ's first meeting with Mary), the Cenakulo (a highly theatrical and religiously energized stage performance about the passion and death of Jesus Christ), and the highly anticipated "Penitensya" where penitents coat the streets with blood from their backs, dripping from self inflicted wounds using ropes dipped in broken glass.

All these theatrics were spectacular to witness as a young man. Who wouldn't be entertained too see a man actually being crucified in front of you with real nails on an actual wooden cross? But now that I think about it, all these sort of take away and distract us from the real reason why this entire week is relevant.

We all live our lives at break neck speed the entire year. Obligations, expectations, and responsibilities literally have us tied up like puppets on a string, moving the way life forces us to move. It's during this time, when there's no work and almost nothing extra curricular to do, that we are given the perfect time to reassess ourselves and answer the question, "Are we living the way God intended us to live?". A deep question which I'm sure most of us are hesitant to answer.

For me, this year's holy week was probably the most meaningful of all. My current emotional and personal circumstances set up this situation where I learned to just let go and trust that He has a bigger plan for me. I KNOW that now. It's difficult to let go of people and things that were once dear to you but, just like Jesus gave his own life on the cross, I think I can give up some of my most cherished things to make sure I surrender to his plans. That is how I see it now.

Don't get me wrong though. I am the farthest from being a devout Catholic. But that's where the beauty lies right? When God reenters the fray, knocks some sense into your stubborn skull, and you actually understand Him! Of course the pain and confusion is there because we humans are not really equipped with faculties to truly understand His ways. So for me, just leave it all to Him. He's never let me down before.

So for everyone out there who'll try to surrender everything to Him, embrace the pain and don't think too much. Blind faith is still the best kind. If you have to give up people and relationships, here's what one of my closest friends told me.

"Don't be sad because it ended, be happy because it happened."

This too shall pass.

So here it goes. I promised myself a few weeks back that I would start writing again so here's my first foray. I used to have a pen attached to my hand when I was young, scribbling and writing my thoughts down on a diary like every other Doogie Howser M.D. inspired kid. It used to be a very fulfilling experience even if my grasp of the world around me was limited to my family, my school, and the four corners of our ancestral home.

As the years passed, and life started becoming less and less of a fairy tale, I found myself occupied with other things, and the pen had to be kept in the drawer. The memories once stored and immortalized on paper were now just fleeting images in my head. But now I find the need to look back at them.

In my 32 yearsof blissful existence, I have encountered so many crossroads in my life, but none bigger than the one I'm standing on today. it feels like the stars aligned in just the right way allowing so many things, good and bad, to happen one after the other. And I'm right smack in the middle of the cosmic crossfire. Now comes the part where choices have to made.

I have never taken losses lightly, especially if it involves people and memories that have taken a firm grasp of my heart and spirit. I consider myself an emotional sponge, absorbing every ounce of affection and love from everyone around me, without ever squeezing because I'm scared to lose a single drop.

That drop has fallen and man, was it a huge drop!

As my sister so eloquently used on a caption in a picture she sent me, "This too shall pass." It's time for me to do something to make sure it does. So here I am, taking the pen out of the drawer, blowing the dust of the paper, and squeezing that huge sponge right on top of it.