Intercession

When I was young my grandparents were major forces in my life. My grandfather, in particular, was present in almost all the significant events that took place in my youth. He was definitely more like a second father to me in more ways than I could ever understand.

He would always be right in the middle of fights and misunderstandings between me and my parents, forcing us to resort to more diplomatic means of ironing out our issues. As I grew up, he was still there, guiding me with stories about life and how he lived his.

His style was not a flamboyant one, picking the least amount of words with the biggest impact behind them when he spoke to me. For some reason, he always knew when I had a problem or when I was not in my normal, relaxed state. No doubt about it, he was I wise man. That's why I miss his presence terribly.

So a few days ago I went to visit his grave and just sat there, telling him about the changes that have been going on in my life and the whirlwind of emotions that have kept me on the edge. I tried to imagine him sitting there with me, his arm draped over me like he used to do, and just hearing me out. I told him about my new career, my new life, the heartache, the longing, literally every minute emotion that was cramping my heart I told him about.

I asked him to intercede for me as he had always done but this time not with my parents but with God. I prayed and asked him to talk to the big guy upstairs and tell him that the little thin guy down here needs a little help. I asked him to tell God to feel for me.

I had no doubt that he was listening because as I was talking, a strong gust of wind blew and the leaves starting falling all over me. It could be grandpa's way of telling me things would be just fine.

I know for a fact that things would have been a lot easier to handle if he was still around but come to think of it, somewhere inside me I know that he would've wanted me to learn from this by myself. Somehow I know that he also knows that I can get through this without him because that night, I dreamt of him just nodding at me and smiling, again without saying a word. That's what he used to do whenever I did good.

I miss him a lot. His temper, his occasional cursing, his earth shaking sneeze, his constant fidgeting, his hatred for garlic, his unique way of eating with his hands, and his insistence on having us sit on his lap and say, "I love you, Lolo", even though we were no longer minors. But one thing's for sure. He's still around but just a few steps farther from me and a lot closer to God. It sure is nice to have another direct line to Him.

I miss you Mr. Zoilo Santos Zambrano. I love you lolo.

Unconditional Love

Last Sunday, I went to the Parish of the Holy Sacrifice inside the University of the Philippines to attend mass. I love going there because it's one of the churches that draws you to come and stay.

The priest began talking about the many ways to assure your passage into heaven and he says that God gave one fool proof ticket...be like a child.

Children are, in heart and mind and soul, the closest to God because their innocence allows them to love everyone and everything the way that God himself does....unconditionally. But these days, is it still even remotely possible to do that? With all the damaging social stimuli bombarding us daily, are we still capable of getting in touch with our inner child?

Loving unconditionally goes against many of the social standards that we place a premium on. It is also very difficult to do because in loving unconditionally, we do not give our love in trickles, we give ALL of it, all of ourselves. Nowadays, people tend to measure the amount of love they give out and more often than not, the more they give, the more they expect in return. So how do children do it? How do they surrender their whole heart to love and easily give it back?

Maybe the key is selflessness. Loving and caring for others before yourself. I know, that's hard to do because looking after your own interest becomes second nature to us in this dog eat dog society. But remember, when we fall deeply in love, and we think deep inside that the person deserves all our love, don't we effortlessly give it regardless of the repercussions? Don't we just go all the way for that person even though some people say we shouldn't because of love?

That means we CAN love unconditionally. I believe that when Jesus died on the cross for us, he gave us that gift. The ability to love unconditionally.

I remember asking a loved one before why she does all these things for me and she said, "Because my happiness comes from seeing you smile, hearing you laugh, and feeling your happiness." The feeling I got from hearing that is how good it is to be on the receiving end of unconditional love. A love that only the child in us can give.

Let's all dig through the mess inside and find that child in us, with His help.

Contentment

Yesterday night, I met up with a good friend who has a small retail business here in the city. Since it's been a while since we last saw each other, there were so many stories to tell and we didn't waste time in finding a place where we could hang.

He began telling me how his business was losing money and that his usual customers were no longer buying as much as they used to. His earnings were now cut to almost a third of what he used to get from just a year ago. But the thing is, I never saw an ounce of concern or worry in his eyes while he was telling me about it. So I asked him why.

He said, "Bro, it's just a matter of perspective.". I couldn't understand what he was trying to say at first. I was curious to find out because I knew that that shop was his only source of income. That was the time he took his mobile phone from his pocket and showed me some pictures.

Pictures of him clowning around with his two kids, photos of him in a tight bear hug with his wife, and a particularly touching photo of him kissing his wife which his kids took. Then he goes, "Bro, that's the reason why I'm not losing hope. I know the whatever happens, He will provide. I'm content with that.".

Wow. Here's a man with an entire family counting on him for survival and yet he has so much faith that the Lord will provide. He also told me that because of his business, he's right there to see his kids grow, to go out on regular dates with his wife, and to have family dinner dates where they eat, drink and have fun together. He feels blessed that he's able to provide and at the same time fulfill his obligations as a husband and a father. Then I understood.

Contentment is never measured by the things you have outside, it's all about what you feel inside. Here we are fussing endlessly about stuff like work complaints, failed relationships, lack of money and all the other superficial things around us when in the grand scheme of things, none of these actually matter.

Family, friends, health, your relationship with God...these things are the essentials in life. In my opinion, this is where we should direct our energies to. Nurture and cherish our family and friends, try to stay healthy and let God take over the reigns. And the next time things look bleak and life seems like it's going on a downward spiral, let's pause and look around. It may not be as bad as we think.

It all depends on how we choose to see it.

Goodbye

I was never good at goodbyes. I don't think anyone is.

Saying goodbye to someone or something will always leave you with a tinge of emptiness, a longing for that which was a part of your life in one way or another. This past month was filled with that and it all came at blinding speeds. A few days ago, my production team surprised me during my final shoot as a host of my show. The longing I mentioned came so dramatically, to the point that looking at each and every one of them made me realize how blessed I was to have worked with genuinely talented and true people. I could not contain my tears.

Life has been a roller coaster this past month and I have had to say goodbye to a loved one, to a select few I once considered family, to all of the jobs I previously had, and to the lifestyle that I've gotten so used to. Absolutely EVERYTHING from the life I had changed in the blink of an eye but in spite of this, blessings also came in all shapes and sizes. Right at this moment, I'm standing on the diving board, looking down at a pool of new experiences, new colleagues, new career opportunities and a list of other things just waiting for me to jump in. So I did.

I said goodbye to that part of my life, to that part of me and am now looking head on at this new chapter in my unfinished book. But saying goodbye does not mean forgetting all those who touched my life. You all know who you are and I am truly blessed to have you.

As they say, parting is such sweet sorrow. But holding the beautiful memories close to your heart will always dull the pain of physical separation. So I am holding on to all of that and feeding my soul as it trudges down a new road. Our paths will cross again someday, I know it, but until then, goodbye and thank you. You are all loved and will always be loved.

- To my A Round Of Golf family: Thank you for the happiness, the tough times, the confusion, the laughter, the sessions, the crying, the long talks, the quiet moments, the road trips, the VO's, the private jokes and the not so private ones, the trust, the squabbling, and especially for bearing with me through these tough times. You are truly and will always be my family. Keep your head down and your eyes on the ball guys!!

Touch

Humans are dominant over other species on this planet because of many things, but the biggest reason is probably that fact that we can communicate through language to directly convey our messages. Our ability to emit audible sound which our brains can process into understandable thought alone allows us to literally dominate the natural world unlike any other species on this planet.

But for me, there is one other thing that we can utilize to convey messages that are so deep, no spoken word or phrase can match it...the touch.

A simple grasp of your loved one's hand, a touch on the cheek, a gentle caress, or even the involuntary placing of a loved one's hand over yours, all convey a plethora of different messages and emotions. And nothing is more powerful.

A single touch from the one you love can bring joy, security, relaxation, warmth, and an overwhelming sense of peace that slowly fills your entire being. I once had an experience where I was wide awake and just couldn't sleep even though it was already late in the night. My loved one told me to lay my head down on the pillow and all she did was gently and slowly stroke my forehead with her thumb. I didn't even realize that I fell asleep until I woke up the next day feeling like I slept for days. That's the peace that only a genuine loving touch can give.

So, if you happen to read this, go to that person you love now, hold both his or her hands for a few seconds, look him or her in the eye, and give him or her a really big, long and gentle hug and a kiss on the forehead. No need to utter a single syllable because nothing else says "I LOVE YOU" better than that.

Change

My sister told me that whatever you do to make your life go the way you want it, there will always be something that will come along to mess it all up. I guess that's what we all have to live with as long as we're here...change.

There are only so many things you can do to prepare yourself for things to come. Most of which are preparations that deal with financial and emotional concerns. But you know, come to think of it, how can we prepare for everything when our understanding of the world and our lives are limited to only what our minds can comprehend? I guess the answer is simple. We can't.

It goes the same way in relationships the way I see it. You love the only way you know how, thinking that it's going to be enough. But it never is. Change takes place in you, in your partner, and in the world that your relationship exists in. Again, there is no way of stopping the forces of change.

So what is there left to do? Do we just grovel in a corner and let change take away all the permanence we so deeply long for? Is there no reason to hold on to anything in this life?

The answer lies in what we use to "see" things, our mind or our heart. When our heart is open and allows love and contentment to blossom, no matter what happens around us, we'll feel complete. Losing a partner, a friend, a loved one, or a job does not mean that the love and concern you extended for each them disappears along with it. That's what stays behind. That is what change can never ever reach.

Thinking too much and seeing with our minds normally leads to more confusion because we tend to over- rationalize things, without really remembering that it's an exercise in futility. There is no way you can fully justify all the events in life. Just embrace everything that's going on, ride it through and keep on remembering that as long as you have love to give, life will find a way for you to use it. It may not come when you want it and how you want it but that's change...unpredictable.

Life still is beautiful. And I can't wait for the next roll of the dice.

Home

I knew that once I entered that old gate, I would feel this way. For some reason, every time I step into the grounds of our ancestral home, I automatically let out a deep sigh of....something.

Relief, a sense of belonging, a slight spiritual rebirth...I guess it's all of that. Sitting in the confines of this house reminds me of a simpler, more innocent time spent building tree houses, taking the boat out across the pond to fish, or simply just climbing the huge mango tree, book in hand, and just reading the day away.

I still remember all of that. And being here again, seeing the old pictures on the wall, smelling the familiar scent of my youth all over the place, and roaming through the rooms, really has re-energized me.

Home does that to you. Home is a place where your spirit was fostered, and no other place on this planet can replace that.

The flood of memories affirmed one more thing...that I am going to be fine. Surrounded by all these reminded me of what is essential in life, and more often than not, it's these simple things that I've taken for granted.

I know it's time to cut the clutter off and return to who I was when I was here, a simple person with a contented heart. It is possible for anyone to come back home.